How to help an insecure person? 6 keys to give you support
Several key tips and ideas for how to help an insecure person.
As a state, insecurity is something we all feel from time to time and it is totally normal. Life is not a bed of roses and on many occasions obstacles appear on that path that makes us feel unsafe. The problem comes when this is a trait, a definite character of the person.
We all know someone who is tremendously insecure deep down. She may hide it by being very critical of others or, it may also happen, that she is so afraid of what they will say that she is constantly avoiding other human beings for fear of what they think of her.
Whether we are friends, family, or even our partner, it hurts us to see how the insecure person suffers and, on many occasions, makes others suffer. For this reason, we are going to find out how to help an insecure person from the context of a friendship or a family or partner relationship, understanding their suffering and also putting ourselves in their shoes.
Tips for how to help and support an insecure person
Everyone, at some point in their lives, has felt insecure. This is something totally normal since on more than one occasion it may happen that we live an experience that makes us question our abilities.
Whether it is a disappointment, a failure, or a failure that has happened, it is normal for us to question our worth. However, it is also normal that we overcome it, learn from it and understand that in this life you cannot be perfect and, sometimes, things do not go as we wanted. No problem.
The problem is that there are people who constantly think like this. They have a very negative perception of themselves and the world. They do not see themselves as capable people and fear that others will judge them or discover all the weaknesses that they believe they have. His insecurity is not something temporary, but a trait of his personality or a state that has settled for too long in his way of being, completely destroying his self-esteem.
Whether it is our partner, our friend, or a relative, it hurts us to see how their insecurity prevents them from enjoying life, questioning everything that they undoubtedly possess but cannot see. However, it often happens that we do not know how to help these types of people since their own insecurity acts as a barrier or even as a repellent since some insecure people choose to avoid social contact, fearing that they will be harmed.
Other insecure people are not tame, quite the contrary. They are supercritical of what we do and stop doing, making jokes, humorous comments … It seems that they are trying to destroy our self-esteem, makes us insecure. As they do not know how to manage their insecurity, they choose to look for the complexes of others, those small defects that everyone has to try to raise their own self-esteem a little. The problem is that this does not work and, in reality, it becomes just another dysfunctional way of managing her mistrust of herself.
Whether you are acting away from people or engaging in toxic behavior, you can help a loved one overcome insecurities. In the following lines, we will see how to help an insecure person, especially by putting into practice our empathy, patience, and ability to identify and manage the strengths and weaknesses of the person we are trying to help.
1. Practice empathy
Each person has their good things and their bad things and their behavior can be largely explained by their experiences. Not all of us have been raised in the same environment nor have our parents exercised the same type of parenting. The type of environment in which we grow up during the first years of life greatly shapes our personality and it is in this period that the trait of insecurity can emerge.
If we want to help an insecure person to have greater self-confidence, the first thing we must do is understand where that personality comes from. We should not constantly remind her of the problems she may have because of her insecurity, since she already knows them first hand, but rather understand what has caused it.
It must be taken into account that insecure people are very aware of what others tell them. Depending on how we tell them, they may get the wrong idea of what we think of them. For this reason, we must be careful how we say things to them. We must be empathetic, trying to understand what it must be like to be in their shoes.
2. Highlight its qualities
Insecure people are highly critical of themselves and, blinded by a brutal negativity bias, are unable to see all the strengths they possess on their own. For this reason, our task will be to highlight its qualities. By making you aware of all the good things you have we can help build a little confidence and self-confidence.
This task is really easy if the person we are helping is our friend or partner since it would not make much sense to continue by their side if we were unable to find something good for them.
In fact, it is even possible that we know the talents and abilities of that person that we have never mentioned because they are so apparently obvious that we trusted that they already knew them, something that if we tell them perhaps it is even a pleasant surprise for him or her.
3. Make him see that nobody is perfect
Perfectionism is a common trait in these people, that is, obsessing over doing everything as well as possible thinking that, if they don’t achieve it, they are not worth it. The problem is that they never succeed and they get frustrated, and their self-esteem sinks even more than it already was. It is normal that they do not get it, not because they are not worth it, but because perfection does not exist.
We must make them understand that neither we nor they nor anyone else are perfect, and nothing happens. The ideal is to get you to see the balance between the strengths that you undoubtedly have, and your weaknesses, weak points that are not unchangeable.
Seeing how good you have you can build self-esteem based on real things, strengths that you have. On the other hand, knowing what weaknesses you have and what things you can improve and what will not give you a lot of mental health, since you will not spend unnecessary strength on changing what cannot be changed.
4. Encourage her
Motivating insecure people is one of the best ways to increase your self-esteem and give them confidence and security. Words of encouragement are good medicine for those who have had very unpleasant experiences which have made them question their worth very much. In addition to telling them their strengths, we can motivate them to fulfill what they propose, make them see that we trust that they will achieve their goals.
5. Know their insecurities
By knowing your insecurities we do not mean having to put up with complaints about your complexes and problems, but asking you, in an honest way, to express to us what it is that worries you, what your feelings are, and which people you think are criticizing you or not. they look at him with good eyes.
The idea is to find out exactly what worries them and make them understand, by analyzing what they tell us, what is real in their concerns. Many times they will tell us that they think others are talking about them, but what actually happens is that in their mind they have created that idea, which they believe without proof. It is, in effect, a paranoid idea which you can only understand that is not true if someone else makes you see it.
6. Be patient
Patience is the mother of science, and also of a good friend. Sometimes the insecure person we are trying to help will start to complain about what they think is happening, spilling a whole list of conspiratorial thoughts about what is going on around them or what others are thinking. It may happen that that person defends himself by criticizing us since that is his defense mechanism.
Regardless of how the person we are trying to help may act, we must be patient. He may make harmful comments to us, or he may even begin to say that he is really not worth it, that he is useless, and that it makes no sense for us to try to make him see the good things because he does not think he has them. It is true that all this is very tiring, but sooner or later we will get into your mind and stop this cycle of mistrust, fears, and insecurities.
Tips for how to help and support an insecure person