My Future: some keys to learning to enjoy
A reflection on how to enjoy life without being paralyzed by guilt and fear.
We are all at times taken by that feeling of misery in which nothing reaches us completely. The question “ do I have everything to be happy and I can’t be anyway? ” is one of the most frequent in the psychology consultation.
We are not original when we raise this issue, although when we do we feel strange and guilty, and we make our words sound low, ashamed of our ingratitude towards our life.
The underlying idea is that we are more prepared for attack than for pleasure and enjoyment. Neuroscience supports us in this idea. It could be true since being well is almost daily learning.
Learning to enjoy without guilt
Life puts us in check many times, almost inexorably. To all, to each on their scale. We can’t help but think that the neighbor is always better and happier, much more than us and for longer.
In a sense, it is true because when we look around us with our biased view of life, it sounds like this: the best is for others. Finding a different way of seeing is the key to solving this dilemma that hurts and that we believe we own.
This article aims to provide a different way of seeing reality, our reality, and to be empathetic with who IS first we must be ourselves.
Have you ever thought at some point in your past about how you would be in the future? Did you know that our own perception of future changes has a different connotation than changes that have occurred in the past?
If you were to reflect today you would understand that at any point in your past you did not even imagine how you would be living today. How many things turned out and how many didn’t, of those you had thought for yourself.
Between the present and the future
We live on assumptions, expectations, and the future. We plan for ourselves, for our family, and even for our children whom we tell most of the time that we want to be free. How can you be free, bathed in other people’s expectations?
We like surprises and we always try to guess them before they reach us. We go through futurologists and fortune-tellers and then lose faith at the first disagreement with the oracle. We wait for Santa Claus looking for where the gifts are coming from.
Human contradictions have always defined us and even if we clarify them, we will continue between guessing and controlling uncertainty and what we do not understand.
We are divided between the present and the future or within the present itself. It is difficult for us to connect with what we are doing, with the current moment we are living. Our body can be in one situation and our mind in something else.
Our split mind does not allow us to connect with what we are experiencing. This means that our senses do not combine in such a way that they make that moment a pleasant memory, albeit a small one, but a place to evoke.
Well-being beyond stereotypes
It is difficult for us to enjoy because we have preconceptions of what this means, we believe that it is about laughter or laughter at moments of success, however, enjoying is much more than that, or much less.
Chained to advertising stereotypes, having fun makes one think of the company of beautiful people, thought within the same patterns, at New Year’s Eve parties with fireworks, on dream trips without rain or problems at airports. Sometimes it is related to a sunset-breathing nature. All that is true, but it is decidedly not the only expression of enjoyment. All these icons are raised from the outside and maybe that’s where the error starts.
Thinking that being well comes from the outside is as fallacious and useless as continuing to insist on the subject, there is no way for the outside to complete us in such a way that it fills a void and a reality that is armed in the deepest part of ourselves.
Most of the time we are looking beyond, in the future, in what is to come, in the past that is gone, and our present is relegated to being a simple spectator of events that continue in a future altered by our own considerations.
Our good moments are written like on the shore of the sea and are as ephemeral as the wave that washes them away. We want to save and remember instead of living today, with what there is. We aspire more and more, and that’s not bad unless it’s for the wrong reason, the fear of not having it later, of not being able to generate again other moments to remember as good.
When guilt weighs us down
If we did the exercise of focusing on those moments in which we were happy or remember as such, we would find that what guided success at that time was that there, our interior was contained and loved, especially by ourselves.
We enjoyed the innocence of feeling. Because when we are experiencing a situation that pleases us, our gaze toward the external world becomes benevolent and pleasant. We discover the value of what is important and the facts are arranged like the pieces of a board, ready to continue playing.
Although it may seem like a paradox, when things are going well for us, we also have a ghost that can take shape, which is guilt. She shows up in both the good times and the bad.
Guilt carries a more expensive price than just feeling it and carrying it, which is that it inexorably leads us to punishment, there is no one without the other. Guilt brings us the voices of the past and the anxiety of the future.
This not only happens to us in everyday life, or rather it does if we consider work as part of our daily lives… Isn’t that where we spend long hours of our lives?
We feel this sense of anxiety for what is to come, for what today will be like if all the pending issues from yesterday will be resolved if my boss’s look will be approved or will only mark my blunders. They’re also the construction of good memories will be impeded by the sum of catastrophic thoughts and forgers of bad omens.
It is not only the responsibility of our superior or our leader to create a pleasant place, it is also ours. Happiness does not come from outside, it comes from a pleasant state where we create with what we have a good moment, a smaller one, coffee with my partner, or the view of the sun coming through the window. Sometimes we have no choice but to postpone a new reality for a while, but we must never stop keeping in mind that the horizon is to be well, something as simple and as difficult as that.
There’s always an exit
Perhaps not what we expect, but life is that, a sum of negotiations with ourselves. Elections that only with Monday’s newspaper will we know if they were more or less successful.
But that is what it is about, not imagining my future self because this construction can miss the mark. It is valuable to know that when we made the decision for her to go, we believed that she was the best for that moment. That way of looking, that small turn in observation, is what is going to change us inside, create and model self-esteem, and above all our own vision of ourselves. Because if we are in the present, our future includes us, we do not need to guess or suppose, we know that we are the protagonists of the story, although we also know that sometimes we can forget the lyrics.
Giving each part of our life a more or less equivalent percentage of attention is an option to consider; ensure that all our attention is not taken away by work, children, or our assets. balance as much as possible.
It is our responsibility to decide what is the area of our life that bothers us the most at the moment and operate on it. Do not ruminate on the problem, but think, decide and take action, to try a solution.
It is not necessary to force ourselves to do it alone, there will always be someone to turn to for help. Omnipotence does not lead us to anything good, being independent is not the same as being omnipotent, let us pay attention to that subtle limit between what is good for us and what is bad for us.
It is good to do a little exercise: remember those successes we had in our life against the unlucky ones, and if you are reading this, surely the good ones are more. Because your curiosity to understand, know and resolve is manifesting as you go through this reading.
Don’t wait for the weekend to do what you want or to be happy, order your time; if the week is terrible, in those spaces talk with your friends, with loved ones, enjoy more with the family or whatever you please, use the weekend for those things that require more time, fix something in the house or a day with nature or for the most demanding sport, since you have more hours to rest.
My Future: Some keys to learning to enjoy